It is Tuesday, and I am working well, despite the highs and lows of grief.

After going no contact, I feel a level of grief I have never experienced before. It was clear to me that if I didn’t, everything would continue as before and probably only get worse. I told this person via messaging that I did not feel comfortable having contact with her, but she did not seem to care or show any respect.

I also noticed a recurring pattern of going without contact for a couple of months, and when contact was resumed, it was as though nothing had happened or changed, and nothing had improved.

This repetition has become increasingly evident.

It happened last year. We spent about four months without talking, and when we got back together, it was very nice but exhausting. This is something we both noticed while we were together.

Even when I was here in Brazil, and she was there in England, we talked via WhatsApp; however, I kept yawning, and she noticed and commented on it several times.

At the time, I did not think much of it, but now, looking back, I realise I was always tired, down, and exhausted. I was able to do honour and perform all the tasks and duties I should have, but at a slower, drained pace, and, again, I was always tired.

It was as if I were carrying an invisible iron ball and chain with me all the time, and every time we spoke, I grew increasingly tired.

Now I’m feeling more energised since having no contact with her. Even though my mind isn’t 100%, thinking about all that has happened and feeling a sense of failure for not making it go ahead still hurts a lot.

However, I have the energy to focus on my work and future without pity.

I honestly thought she was the one, the person I would spend my days with. To come to terms with the fact that I was wrong and that, in some way, I had made a big ass of myself, provokes self-analysis within me about who I really am.

How could I have been so stupid as to assume so much in such a short period of time? Arriving at 60, haven’t I learned anything yet? All these years of surviving alone in Brazil, providing for myself without any family, etc., haven’t taught me anything? Am I still stupid, not seeing the obvious signs, the red flags, that it was not going to happen?

It seems I am being hard on myself. I’m beating myself up a little, but I am also feeling tired after yet another deception in my life, and at 59, which, in some ways, could be seen as a little ridiculous or even pathetic.

What I have learned, however, during this time, more so after the breakup than during it, is that the answers to all of my and anybody else’s questions can only be found within ourselves, not by looking to others, such as this person, for example, in my case.

We can only heal and become a better person by looking into ourselves, our needs, our projections, our flaws and failings, and how we are feeling, not necessarily the other. We have to look after ourselves, because if we do, then maybe sometime in the future, if I meet another who is at peace with herself, then we can walk together and share.

I am not here to heal another; I’m here to make myself good enough, whole enough to be at peace with myself, and from that, for the other, and vice versa.

I once thought I could help or even fix this person, but it is not my job, nor hers, nor anyone else’s. As I consider myself an empath, one who feels but also wants to fix, which is a complete misconception in itself

My role as an empath is not to fix but to reveal and show. Now that I understand this, I’m looking back over the years, and it has always been my role, unconsciously, to reveal. Now that I am conscious of it, I should have known this a long time ago; only now has everything become clearer to me.

My responsibility is to myself, and although I can feel that something or someone is not aligned, I have the option to reveal it, to show what could be to the other, and it is up to them to make a choice and to take the path they feel is best.

It is not necessary to be so invested in wanting or caring enough to do what is right; again, that’s a personal choice, and it is not my responsibility.

I have done my part. If it is good and proactive for that person, it is good for both of us. It also frees me of any further responsibility and, more importantly, of the energy spent worrying about someone else, especially when my own house and garden need attention, care, and love.

My priority is myself and my well-being, and worrying so much about others is a form of self-abuse and neglect. I am sorry if I expected too much of Julie and if I thought she would be able to do what I saw as clearly possible for her to improve her life and reduce her suffering.

It is up to her to find her own way, and to me, my own, and if we are aligned in the right direction, way, values, etc., then so be it.

Be kind and be happy, and if you can’t be happy, still be kind, but not naïve!

In bed by 10 p.m.

Thank you.

Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.

Richard

Photos by Richard George Photography

The post No Contact | Clarity in Grief first appeared on The Long Gringo.

It is Thursday, and I’m enjoying my life at the moment.

I don’t think I have ever really stopped to reflect on whether I’m happy, good or not. I have always been worried about others, what has to be paid, how I’m going to pay, and, if not, how I’m going to resolve it.

I wrote yesterday about clarity and how important it is in our lives, and how much it affects our quality of life. I think we all believe we have clarity to a certain extent, or have always had it, but like anything in life, it is relative.

It is like a well-known video online of a very young baby with very poor eyesight who is suddenly forced to put on glasses for the first time, even though she does not want to wear them.

After much confusion and insistence from her mother and the doctor, she finally allows them to be put on. Suddenly, when she opens her eyes for the first time, a flood of sharp, vivid colours and images takes over her sight and mind. The shock is like a tsunami, a stark contrast between what was and what she was living before, and what she is experiencing now.

The baby had fought against putting them on, only from the insistence of her parents and the tight-fitting, foreign frame being put on its little face and head did she get to see the new world with beautiful colours and sights that she had never seen before, and I think this is the same with us when it comes to clarity.

We are used to the blurry world before the glasses; it is home, it is safe, even if we are suffering, drifting and deceiving ourselves. Only after putting on the glasses can we see clearly.

The parents and the doctor wanted to do their best by insisting that the baby wear the glasses. Sometimes, family, friends, or even a loved one wants us to put on those glasses, but we don’t. We are afraid, afraid of the unknown, of foreign possibilities and the consequences that come.

But sometimes, due to a lot of frustration, desperation, disappointment and suffering, we put on those glasses voluntarily, the last resort after so much disappointment, nowhere else to turn but to do the unknown, even though it is strange for us, even though we’re walking in the dark.

When I mention disappointment, it is not just with others and the life we are living, but with ourselves too, because at the end of the day, it all comes back to our own choices. There is the saying, “It is all my fault,” and to a point, it is.

The sooner we understand this, bite the bullet, and put on the damn glasses, the better. And then comes the clarity, the clarity we have long looked for in the wrong places, giving us a clarity we never had before.

Our life, our work, and our relationships are what is good, bad, the ugly, and the beautiful. What was not clear is now in focus. What was dull is now interesting, and vice versa. What was important is now unimportant, and vice versa. What you could not find a way to do, or whose way was not clear, is now clear to you. What made you happy before no longer makes you happy, and vice versa.

And with all this clarity, there is no unclarity, no indecision, no insecurity, no doubt, no sense of loss, no being lost.

Even though you are not 100% sure or guaranteed about the direction you decide to take, you know it is right, that there will be setbacks, and that they are part of the process and the journey. That is the path of life. Clarity is showing you the right way and the decisions.

I suggest that if you haven’t tried on the glasses of clarity, you try them on and see how suddenly everything becomes clearer, better, sharper and more vivid, and then ask why you haven’t worn them before.

Be kind and be happy, and if you can’t be happy, still be kind, but not naïve!

In bed by 10 p.m.

Thank you.

Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.

Richard

Photos by Richard George Photography

The post Seeing Clarity | Embracing Clarity in Life first appeared on The Long Gringo.

It is Wednesday, and for some reason, clarity and authenticity have made me feel more productive over the past couple of weeks, particularly this week.

I think everything comes from what we decide; the rest is planted and becomes the result. Even though you don’t see the results immediately, they are on their way. It is just a question of time.

I needed clarity in my life, and in my relationship with Julie, there was too much doubt. Probably the opposite of clarity, namely chaos, or indifinition, and I was living that.

The moment I decided to have more clarity in my life, even though there would be a certain amount of suffering, I had to understand that suffering is psychological, and pain is physical.

Over time, I reduced it, and this is exactly what I have done and what has happened.

With clarity, as the word implies, everything becomes clearer. When it is clearer, it is easier to determine goals and boundaries, know what is right or wrong for us, and let our lives flow in the right direction. Because of this, I think this is happening.

It is not just Julie; Julie is only a small part. More importantly, I have been able to direct my work better and set objectives through the first half of this year, allowing me to enter the second half with new objectives for the rest of the year.

I was determined before to go much further ahead. I wanted my blog, ‘the long gringo’, to be right, not just more or less, because Brazil is full of more or less. I wanted my blog to be right and to go precisely in the right direction.

I had serious setbacks in December and January, but after a couple of months and a lot of work, the blog is going in the right direction. It has also been a time of clarity about what I expect from myself, the blog, my YouTube channel and future projects.

I expected it to be relatively easy to monetise them, but so far they haven’t, and I don’t expect they will so soon. Monetisation depends largely on the content and on whether people find it engaging and interesting. What is good for one person is not necessarily interesting or good for another.

Besides, I do not want to be a slave to creating any form of content, prostituting myself, my thoughts, and what I write, to make money. That is really not me. The first objective of my writing and content is to serve as a form of self-help and reflection for myself; secondly, if it can be of use, helpful to others, then so be it.

I think I got a little dazzled by the possibility of monetisation and making money from it, but now I see it as bullsh#t. My priority is to produce something I created that is of high quality and supportive to others, too. If monetisation results from this in the future, then so be it.

The main point is to create quality work, for me and for whoever reads the blog.

Returning to the decision not to renew my classes with Dona Vera in Copacabana is another result of my decision for clarity. If I had continued to teach her, I would not have been able to be authentic to myself and to her, so it was better to walk away.

If I had continued, it would have slowly eaten away at my soul, causing me to die slowly, losing the joy and the will to live well and to do the right thing. It is always important to be true, authentic and whole to ourselves; consequently, you will, in turn, be so to others besides yourself.

My true priority is to be true to myself and authentic. Those who do not like it or try to divert me from my authentic self will be very disappointed, and this feels very good.

Be kind and be happy, and if you can’t be happy, still be kind, but not naïve!

In bed by 9 p.m.

Thank you.

Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.

Richard

Photos by Richard George Photography

The post Finding Clarity | The Journey to Authenticity and Productivity first appeared on The Long Gringo.

It’s Friday, and I’m exhausted.

Am I exhausted from being highly productive all week, with a total of 80 positive acts, including exercise, classes, blogging, and video editing, the highest weekly total yet since adopting this new evaluation process?

Or is it psychological exhaustion from my own personal insecurities, flaws, and my relationship with Julie? This is the big question I’m grappling with right now.

My personal living expenses have increased this month, and she’s worried about me. I don’t have as much money as I did this time last year, and increasing my income through classes is difficult because it’s the end of the year.

Nobody wants to start English classes now, only in January or after Carnival, in either February or March 2026.

However, amid so much political and economic confusion under Lula’s government, the SELIC interest rate is stratospheric, at least 15% per month. Many companies are filing for legal recovery or reorganisation, and many are closing. There is no climate for people wanting to study English, unless they intend to flee the country.

I began my YouTube channel in December last year and have been uploading and publishing videos every other day for 10 months, but until now, I haven’t received a single bite. I haven’t reached the popularity and views I expected.

Because of my naivety, I thought it would be easier. Maybe I’m producing good-quality but uninteresting content that nobody wants to see. I will have to make changes over the next couple of months. I’m not disheartened, just a little concerned and disappointed.

I think what is really draining my energy is Julie, or the situation involving Julie and me.

She came to Rio at the end of December last year and stayed with me until the 20th of January. Since I first knew her, she has been in much the same situation regarding her divorce and personal life. I feel I have been put on hold, and my personal life too, for the last two years. What is worse, I voluntarily accepted and allowed it to happen.

OK, that is the past, and we should not dwell on it or hold a grudge. However, since the beginning, I have found the relationship extremely exhausting, not as natural, free, or light as I would like.

Repetitively and tediously talking about our relationship and that of the cafe where she works is both boring and exhausting, and it makes me wonder whether this is really what I want or even deserve. I understand that at times we have to talk about our relationship, but not all the time.

It seems she’s either trying to convince herself or us about this relationship, which doesn’t feel like a psychological haven, a home for me. I don’t feel valued, understood, or reciprocated, and, to a point, we have different principles and values.

I think any deep, healthy soul-searching relationship has a certain level of discussion, the airing of feelings, understanding, respect, administration and, obviously, love. But talk for talk’s sake, repeatedly saying the same thing, with a little bit of manipulation and psychological games thrown in, makes it extremely hard to sustain.

If I don’t do something soon, it is going to make me sad, possibly depressed or even ill.

I’m not trying to disrespect or put her down. I feel that I am choosing, once more in my life, the wrong person to share it with, which will eventually cost me dearly for what I should have cut at the roots a long time ago.

Living alone in this condominium, with an extremely positive routine and even more positive habits, has led me to see myself and my life from different angles. Some of these angles don’t work for me.

I could also be looking for problems, never happy or satisfied, always trying to find a problem. I honestly don’t think I am in this case, but it is still worth considering how to balance the situation and my psychological state.

I need to do some serious thinking, with a lot of sincerity and frankness with myself. It always comes back to the very old saying that:

“You can deceive others, but you can’t deceive yourself.”

In bed by 11.30 p.m.

Thank you.

Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.

Richard

Photos by Richard George Photography

The post Relationship Clarity | And Personal Growth first appeared on The Long Gringo.

When I visited England in November last year, I didn’t take my TRX straps; I only brought a skipping rope that later broke.

Due to the cold winter months of December and January, it was difficult for me to exercise outside in my mother’s back garden. I would do some simple aerobic abdominal exercises, like plank, in the living room, but I wouldn’t start doing more strenuous exercise outside until later. I cannot remember the exact date I started exercising outdoors, but it was around the middle of February.

It was still cold, but not as severe as in December and January. I remember it was a Monday at the start of the week, and it was quite cold for what I am used to in Rio, but I still started skipping outside.

Initially, it was a shock; it was very cold for me, and I was almost unable to feel my fingertips. However, as I continued to skip, despite the cold and cold skin, I felt that my body, my core inside, was quite warm.

This gave me confidence to carry on, and besides skipping, I completed a full workout with elastic bands. The combination of the cold outside and the warmth inside my body made me truly happy. I believe this is what they call an endorphin rush. I was incredibly happy not just at that moment but for the rest of the day. It was terrific; from that day on, only if it rained, I would not exercise outside in England’s cold.

Now that I am back in Rio for a brief visit, my old TRX straps that I left behind when I travelled are here. Nalva had not thrown them away, so now I am experimenting with a more comprehensive exercise routine. If I analyse properly, I am now: walking, walking to and from the park, skipping for at least 20 minutes, TRX bodyweight exercises for both legs and arms, and elastic bands for the arms and torso.

I’m noticing a positive difference. I’m really enjoying the change and feeling it in my body. Since I haven’t used the TRX straps for at least 8 months, returning to them has made me notice how this new exercise routine is affecting other parts and muscles of my body.

I thought about buying TRX straps in England, but with everything else I needed to buy, I set them aside. When I return to England, I will take the straps with me. My exercise routine has improved since I started again in Brazil, and has continued into my work routine too.

In Nalva and Yasmin’s flat, I had built a small work desk during the six months I stayed there before going to England. When I went to England, Yasmin took it over as her study space. Now I’m sharing it with her, and it works well.

In England, I conducted classes in my mother’s front living room, which had a small dining table. It was fine, but it didn’t offer the same level of freedom I have in Brazil. Sometimes my mother would come in; it’s her house, but I had to be careful what I said because she was always listening, both directly and indirectly.

In Brazil, the chair is a proper office chair, whereas in England, it was simply a regular wooden dining chair. It may sound trivial, but it makes a difference when you’re sitting for four, five, six, or even eight hours. Having the proper setup and atmosphere to work in makes a significant impact. It’s like a car: the idea is that a businessman or executive with a good car helps project confidence and enhances their professional image. Of course, everyone is different, but I believe there is some truth to it.

Our environment, surroundings, and the people in our daily lives can both support and hinder us and our professional growth. It is also crucial to be aware of whether our environment is proactive and positive for us.

I have mentioned many times how well I was received when I lived in Rocha; however, I felt it was necessary to leave, as I knew my life would not improve as I wanted if I continued living there. My friends only focused on drinking and having a good time; it’s enjoyable for a short while. But it is a distraction, and there is no future in distractions.

Nalva likes to have a lot of things and clutter at home. I have tried to talk to her about this, to unclutter her flat and consequently her mind, simplify her life, but there is always an excuse for more and more stuff in the flat and complications in her mind.

We don’t need much to be happy. Starting the day with exercise in a positive way gives me happiness; it prepares me for the rest of the day and the trials and tribulations to come. Simplicity is everything; it is a recipe for happiness, peace, and contentment.

I have revived my exercise routine, and I am also revising my blog posts. I have more than 200 blog posts until now, and I have discovered a broken link to my Instagram photography account.

I am pasting a new link in each post; it is a little tedious and labour-intensive, but it must be done. If I want the blog to be a success, I need to focus on quality in the small details more than quantity. There are other issues I need to address regarding the blog, and without planning, June will be dedicated to revising and improving it.

Am I disappointed?

No, not one bit. If I can finish this month with the blog better than it was a month ago and improve its quality for readers, then the extra work will be a welcome surprise, and I will be very happy, proud, and relieved when it is all done.

Taking pride in what we do is very good, extremely gratifying and rewarding, and it makes a big difference in the final product and the end result.

In bed by 11:00 p.m.

Thank you.

Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.

Richard

Photos by Richard George Photography

The post Friday, the 14th of June 2024: “Clarity With Balance”!!! first appeared on The Long Gringo.

It is Sunday, so it is a lazy day. Yasmin and Nalva are out in Nova Iguaçu until at least the end of the day, so I am free to do whatever I want.

So, as usual, I got up early, walked, and exercised. The session was tough because I tried new exercises I hadn’t done before, but it was good.

I then go to the Portuguese bakery to write in my journal. I have at least two, but no more than three coffees. I cannot remember if I mentioned before that I often write in my journal at the bakery. I usually sit at the same table in front of the main counter.

The girls know me, so they automatically bring me a large black coffee without me having to say anything. I take my notebook out of my pump bag and begin to write, and write, and write.

I began writing in December of last year, specifically on the 27th. I had never done it before. As a child, I was encouraged to keep a diary at school, but, being ignorant, I never thought it was interesting or worthwhile.

Now that I am older and have less time left, I have discovered the true value and power of journaling every day. I am on my third notebook since I began in December, and I am loving it. Since I started writing, my life has been changing for the better in so many ways.

Writing in a journal brings the external you closer to your internal you.

You become more understanding of yourself, the people, and the situations around you. I have also noticed that when we put our things, thoughts, feelings, and experiences on paper, it helps us in so many ways.

The power of putting what we feel and think down through our bodies, to our hands, and eventually onto paper, really helps us and moves our lives in so many ways. This is probably one of the best forms of therapy that I can think of, and it is cheap. You only need a notebook and a pen. The only other treatment as good as this is having a dog.

When we write about positive things, it helps us appreciate and better understand them.

It also allows us to focus on our goals and objectives and find solutions to problems. I have found that by writing, I have been able to resolve complex issues, or the universe has seemed to conspire to provide a solution.

Writing has helped me find my path and continue without fear, trusting in my future, fate, and capacity. Even in moments of doubt, I can do what is necessary for my future and myself. Writing about positive things helps us improve ourselves and approach issues more constructively.

And what about negative things?

I have noticed that when I write about negative things, things from my childhood, living alone in England, problems with my family in the past, it does not matter what I write; putting these things down on paper helps me come to terms with them. It is as if I am vomiting, putting out all my bad experiences and traumas, when I write them down in my journal.

When you physically throw up, vomit, etc., you usually feel better after. It is the same with journaling regularly. When you put your problems on paper, you feel lighter and less heavy or bad than before. A load has been taken off your shoulders.

Now you can move on more quickly and easily. Your posture is better; you feel taller because you are not carrying the heavy burden that was tying you down.

You no longer have this load on your back. In some ways, it is a feeling of redemption, a feeling of receiving parts or parts of your life that were either lost or hidden under a pile of bad memories, bad feelings, shame, frustration, and low self-esteem.

All this is just from writing about yourself every day. It is pretty impressive and free. That is the point. It is free, and it helps a lot. If you write good things, it helps you get closer to them and achieve them.

Writing about bad things frees you from them hurting or haunting you, or from trying to put you down and slow you down in your journey. Whether you are writing about good or bad, positive or negative things, journaling helps you get the best out of yourself and life.

I love it and am thankful for doing it for the last six months. The only thing I regret is not doing it before, but that is due to my own stupidity and ignorance.

After a relaxing shower and a change into fresh clothes, I took Perola for a walk in the park, and we both loved it. Later, I had to go to the supermarket to do some shopping. When I returned home, I opened a bottle of wine and relaxed, doing things at my own pace.

As I wrote yesterday, it is so good to have time alone to do things the way you want, when you want. It is even better if you are lucky enough to have somebody special who understands and knows when you need your alone time.

Nalva and Yasmin arrived home at about 6 p.m after having a great time in Nova Iguaçu, so everything was good.

Be kind and be happy, and if you can’t be happy, still be kind, but not naïve!

In bed by 10 p.m.

Thank you.

Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.

Richard

Photos by Richard George Photography

The post Peace and Clarity Through Journalling first appeared on The Long Gringo.