Journalled on Tuesday, 11 July 2023 | Flamengo, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil: 26 degrees, warm and sunny.

Nalva is travelling; it is just Yasmin, Perola, and me at home. The flat is noticeably quieter and the ambience lighter; this is not just me saying it.

I do not mind giving up a small part of my life for the next three or four months to share with someone I no longer love; it is more about respect than anything else. I also do not see it as some redemption for something I have had to pay for.

I see it more as quality time. I need to see what the past and present are and how the future should be. Like many, our separation was ugly and exceedingly difficult, and now that the dust has settled, it is possible to see where and who we are. Time resolves and cures almost everything.

I felt a lot of bitterness until a short time ago; the last couple of years have helped me let it go.

Nobody’s life can go ahead if they are bitter; it is more important to move on, evolve, try to improve ourselves to be a better person, and come to terms with who we are and our lives. If we want answers, life will eventually give them to us, but not always when we want them, but they will come.

In the opposite direction, if we do not want to know, we can always look away and build a protective fence around ourselves from life’s complex but beautiful reality. It is for us to make the choice, and we always pay the bill for those we made in the past.

Staying with Nalva for more than six months will be more than enough. I have already been living with her for two months; another two or three months, at most, will be enough. Her flat is cleaner and more organised, and Yasmin is doing well at school. I have been talking to both of them about what is important and what is not.

Even with modern technology, we can live in other countries or be thousands of miles away and still talk to whoever we want.

I want Yasmin to feel secure in my decisions as a father, so she does not feel left out or abandoned and knows that I am not too far but nearby. Our nightly visits to the Portuguese bakers have become regular informal therapy sessions for us both.

I am feeling powerful about myself and my future; I know that I have much more to do, and I am doing it, and with every step and more courage, more things will be done. I also feel that the universe is conspiring with me as I am helping myself, and because I am helping myself, the universe helps, too.

It sounds stupid, but I feel it, so if I feel it, it is real. Thinking more about this, whatever we choose or decide, the universe will aid and support us, whether positive or negative.

I had to go to Copacabana today to give a class to Dona Vera, who recently fell and broke her shoulder. Every time I go to give her a class, I feel that her life is slowly slipping away from her.

Unfortunately, she is not the same Dona Vera as the one I knew a couple of years ago when I was at school. I don’t think she will be with us much longer, so I want to give her classes and do my best for her. Our class was fun, and we both enjoyed it.

I rushed home to give the other classes online. It was a typical productive day, with a visit to the baker’s with Yasmin in the evening and a pep talk before bed.