Journalled on Friday, 16 May 2025 | Santo Cristo, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil: 26 degrees, hot, sunny, and slightly overcast.

It’s Friday, and while it’s been a decent week after splitting up, it’s had its ups and downs.

I made my decision. I wanted to because, although I have deep feelings for her, it has not been a healthy, whole relationship, and at the end of the day, your priority has to be yourself and self-preservation.

You can ultimately understand that you can love someone. Still, at the same time, that person may not love you, may not be emotionally available to you, may not share the same feelings, may not be in the same circumstances, and, with all that, the timing may not be right.

Sometimes, perhaps many times in life, we have to bite the bullet and do what is best, especially for ourselves. What’s worse is that it does not stop us from thinking about the situation and that person. How fucked up is that?

I have continued to do all that is required of me in terms of work, obligations, exercise, etc., but that does not distract me from my deeper inner feelings, questions, and doubts, which are primarily directed at myself. For me, this is a time of healing, a realignment of my priorities, and doing what is best for me, Yasmin, and anyone else in my inner circle who needs me.

I’m certainly not looking to replace this person with somebody else; that is impossible. Nor do I want to. It is time to spend some quality time alone; it is not the first time, and for sure, it will not be the last.

It is a time when I want to continue blogging and growing my YouTube channel while also learning more, studying, and improving what I am already doing. I’m considering diversifying my YouTube channel by featuring myself, which wasn’t part of the original plan, but it may be necessary to increase views.

I would also like to invest more in my didactic English YouTube channel, which already has over 1000 subscribers, making it potentially easier to monetise than the main channel I am currently investing in, the long gringo.

I see this separation and alone time as a good opportunity for myself to work, as I always do, without high expectations, and to observe what comes up and what occurs, so I can reconnect with myself and return to the basics.

Yasmin came this afternoon for the first time in nearly a month.

She was angry, upset, and disappointed with me. I believe she is at an age where, as parents, we need to be careful about what we say to our teenage children.

We spoke on Wednesday by mobile about what had upset her. We were meant to discuss it further, but it didn’t happen. We’re fine. I believe that sometimes our children need some reassurance of their importance, or even their presence, in their lives with their elders. And if we do not recognise or understand it, they can easily get hurt.

We went to the supermarket to buy food for the flat. During the week, I buy very little for myself, as I don’t need much: mainly meat, eggs, and limes. If I stock up on other things in the cupboards and fridge, like biscuits, cakes, chocolate, bread, cheese, and ham, etc., they will not last more than two days.

I have understood that I have a compulsive, addictive side that is better not to feed it, like putting gasoline on a fire.

We bought melon, papaya, zero-alcohol beers, bread, cheese, ham, and other usual items for normal people, plus a pizza to heat in the oven. Since I don’t have an oven, we cut the pizza into four slices and heat each one individually in the air fryer. Nowadays, I don’t eat pizza at home, so it’s all for Yasmin.

The night was pleasant; we didn’t get to talk so much, but we will. I’m just happy that she’s with me and that she’s OK.