Journalled on Thursday, 24 October 2024 | Flamengo, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil: 30 degrees, hot, sunny and slightly overcast.

It is Thursday. I was supposed to go to Copacabana today to teach Dona Vera, but the class was cancelled.

In a way, that is a relief, because I still have not found the best way to get quickly from Santo Cristo to the South Zone. The cancellation has given me time to prepare and publish a blog post.

I am very happy with the quality of the posts I have been writing recently, and I now have a method that helps me keep that quality consistent without spending too much time. What used to take two or three hours now takes about one. Posting from Monday to Friday has officially become part of my routine, although I still like to write at least once at the weekend too.

In a little over a year, I have built a blog that is up and running and has almost 300 posts. The blog ‘The Long Gringo’ is simple, and often, in life, simple is good. I think I am a simple man, and the blog reflects that.

There is still a lot to improve and develop, and I know it will change over time, but that is part of evolution. I am extremely happy with the logo and the layout. I will probably need to make changes in the future, but for the first year, I am happy.

These days, it is impossible to imagine my life without journaling or blogging. They have become an important part of my daily rhythm: a walking stick to lean on, a friend to confide in, and a kind of therapy that helps keep me sane and moving in the right direction.

Why did I not start much earlier?

Why only now, in the latter part of my life? Why could I not have listened to others and followed their example? These questions appear from time to time, but I also know that if I follow them too far down the rabbit hole, asking why again and again, I will drive myself mad.

Do I regret not beginning to journal much earlier? Yes, of course I do. But I cannot dwell too much on the past. That is how things were, and I am happy to have discovered journaling and blogging now. More than happy, in fact. I am grateful that they found me.

Whether the blogging side of it will help people, or become successful in terms of support and monetisation, I do not know. But it is there for anyone to read, and I hope it is entertaining, honest, and supportive in some small way.

One strange thing I have noticed about myself is that after I journal, usually early in the morning, I do not remember exactly what I have written.

I might remember the broad outline of yesterday’s entry, but not the actual content, the details, the words, the places, the people, or the structure and bones of it. If you asked me about the day before yesterday, it would be even worse. I might not remember even the outline.

Is that good or bad?

In one way, I think it is good, because every day feels new and offers something fresh to write about. The only problem is that if I do not remember what I wrote yesterday, I could be repeating myself without realising it. I hope that is not the case.

Perhaps I am repetitive sometimes, as we all are when we return to the same themes in our lives, but over time, there should still be growth and movement. I change, and the writing changes with me, true to the fluidity of life.

This new blank page in front of me every morning is deeply satisfying and soothing. Yesterday’s pages, last week’s pages, even last month’s pages, do not matter when I sit down to write what is true today.

How good is that? If only real life worked the same way. If only we could put down all that heavy baggage from the past and let it disappear as easily as a discarded draft.

Past relationships, marriages, mistakes, regrets, things we did and things we failed to do can weigh heavily, especially as we get older and start looking back over our lives. And what about the things others have done to us, or against us? To wipe those away, too, would be a powerful kind of freedom.

We all have our own journey and our own battles to face. No one can or should take that away from us, devalue it, or judge it. Only we know the hurt, trauma, disappointment, and heartbreak we have lived through, and may still be living through. Like a journal with a blank page waiting every morning, life gives us the chance to put the past behind us and begin again.

Life is hard, even brutal, and at times it can feel overwhelming. But it is still ours, and it is still very good. Every day is another chance.