Journalled on Friday, 12th of May 2023 | Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro: 25 degrees, warmish, sunny, and slightly overcast.
Friday is the sixth day of living with my daughter and ex-wife, and a day of contrasts.
Exercise early in the morning with a walk and a coffee. My first class is at nine am, and everything is ok. Junior arrived at midday, installed the new shower, and put the second layer of white cement on the wall; now we have hot water for showers again.
A little later, Yasmin arrived home from school and wanted to talk about getting an ear piercing for her birthday in June. As her mother is evangelical and extremely conservative, she is against the idea; I am not, because it is not permanent like a tattoo, which, in theory, is forever.
A tattoo is out of the question until she is old enough to do and decide whatever she wants, but until then, no way. She doesn’t like tattoos so much; she is into piercings, and for me, within reason, it is acceptable.
More classes in the afternoon until about 6 pm. I sometimes get lazy on a Friday afternoon/evening, since it’s the eve of the weekend, so I mentally start to slow down. Usually, I’m mentally exhausted from the number of classes I have been giving throughout the week. I don’t know an English teacher who gives as many classes as I do now or did in the past.
Nalva arrived home about seven in the evening, and things began to get complicated for many reasons. I do not have a bank account at the moment, principally because I lost my Brazilian ID when I was mugged in Rio a couple of years ago, and also because I am always strapped for cash due to paying so many bills. Once you get into a financial rut, it is very difficult to get out of it.
One of the main reasons that I had decided to move in with my ex-wife was to save money and get my financial shit together before going to England.
By paying less and not paying multiple rents, I can pay off my debts, get a copy of my Brazilian passport, which will allow me to open a bank account, credit card, etc., and finish the treatment on my teeth.
As we had arranged to live together, I would have money paid directly into her bank account. I also agreed with her on how much extra I would pay, beyond what I had already been paying in child support and her rent, so that everything would be clear and understood.
So, when she arrived home, it was a surprise to find out that she didn’t have the total amount of money that I had asked her to withdraw for me, which had been deposited by my pupils. Sunday will be Mother’s Day, so I wanted a little extra for Yasmin to buy a present and flowers for her mother.
Nalva explained that she couldn’t send me any more money until she received her second payment of the month on the 18th. Besides the money allotted to her to pay most of the bills tranquilly, my money was also spent on other things.
This brought back a flood of memories from when we lived together, when we always had money problems with Nalva, stemming from overspending or an inability to manage money responsibly.
This created a terrible situation; I became furious and told her that if there were going to be the same financial problems as before, it would be better to find another place to stay.
I also tried to help her by organising her bills and writing down all her expenses, including a few ghosts we found in the cupboard, which turned out to be debts she hadn’t told anyone about and that were making it hard for her to make ends meet.
Debt kills everything, including relationships; it is a cancer. Nalva earns a small salary, not enough to maintain a higher credit level or a lifestyle she cannot afford.
Society likes to instil a feeling of shame in us, making us feel belittled if we aren’t what it tells us or expects us to be. The best schools for our children, living in an excellent neighbourhood, designer-label clothes, and a very good car, cell phone, etc.
Consumerism often imposes demands on us, and we tend to follow blindly like sheep, getting caught up in marketing hype. As a result, we experience debt, sadness, stress, and low self-esteem. Frugality speaks for itself.
The discussion was heated, with many accusations and excuses.
Nalva has always lived or tried to live a life above her means, and in a country like Brazil, it is POISON. She could not tell me where my extra money had gone, but said she would pay me on the 18th. I told her I have clear goals and will pursue them, including her.
It is more apparent to me that my stay is probably to help them more than me, to put them in the right direction, rather than just trying to help myself, but I still have my path no matter what; nothing and nobody can deter me from that, not even family.
Going to bed with a bad atmosphere in a small flat is terrible, but what the hell! It has to be right; if it isn’t, we must change it until it is right!!!
In bed by 11 p.m.
Thank you very much.
Thanks for reading my blog. Check out my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments.
Richard
