Journalled on Sunday, 22 December 2024 | Santo Cristo, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil: 26 degrees, hot, sunny and slightly overcast.

It is Sunday, and there are four days until Julie arrives from England.

In a way, I can’t believe I have invited her to Brazil. Not necessarily the invitation itself, but more the cost of the flight ticket. Besides, it’s a lot of money for me at the moment, and I’ve never really done this for anyone before.

Cibele has always been financially self-sufficient since the first day we met. She has always had more financial resources than I do, so money has never been an issue for her when it comes to travelling.

Nalva, on the other hand, has never had real financial responsibility; she has always lived above her means and has found ways to go into debt. Since I have known her, money problems have always haunted us in one way or another. For us to travel, especially for Yasmin, it has always been my responsibility because, if needing Nalva’s help, such trips would be impossible.

It is not that I am complaining, but rather that I am explaining why financial responsibility and economic balance are so important in modern-day relationships.

This is even more true if you are not rich, wealthy, or in a good situation. Living in Brazil without any economic or moral support from my family in England has always taken a toll on even the slightest financial purchase, cost, emergency, outlay, or investment.

When you are in a relationship, and there is an economic imbalance, and again I’m talking about a normal situation where you are not wealthy, dependent on your salary or your business to pay the bills every month, the economic or financial balance between partners is so important for a lasting relationship.

It is not just a financial question but, even more importantly, a question of respect from both sides. As money has been so important in our lives since the beginning of time, people have been obsessed with it. This is why power is profoundly tied to money; they have walked hand in hand.

With power there is money, and with money you can acquire power, creating an endless vicious circle that so many people, especially politicians and sociopaths, get caught up in, lose themselves, lose control, and, in turn, become miserable, unhappy beings with serious psychological problems that basically destroy them.

When we talk about respect in a relationship, especially when money is at stake, we are talking about practising respect with a level of responsibility so as not to destroy ourselves, the other person, and, of course, the relationship.

The more fortunate partners, who have more resources, must know how not to use that privilege in ways that benefit them rather than the couple. Not to use it for control, manipulation, or even to belittle the other, simply because they have it and the other does not.

We’re talking about one of the oldest flaws in the Society of the haves and the have-nots, where the haves use it to flaunt what they have, including the power they wield. In contrast, the have-nots only know how to be submissive and even to suffer, to be enslaved, in such a situation.

Look at Brazil. Its government, and many other governments around the world, treat their politicians as the elite and the population, the taxpayers who make their contributions, as a lower level, even though the population supports the elite upper level. Ironically, the elite upper level, the politicians, are dependent on taxpayers’ money because, without it, they wouldn’t have the power they have. That is the irony and hypocrisy of the situation, especially in Brazil.

As I mentioned, money is power, and power needs to be respected and used in a positive, generous way, not frivolously or cruelly, driven by ego, insecurity, or irresponsibility.

It would be wise to use one’s resources generously, not excessively, but to show when it is better to be more or less generous, so the other can understand that the partner is not a walking bank or ATM and that the less fortunate one could look for ways to improve oneself to arrive, if possible, at the same financial level as the other, consequently balancing the economic power in the relationship, which in turn is a form of mutual respect.

The less fortunate partner in a relationship should be intelligent enough to understand that everything in life has a price, and that if you abuse such a situation, you will eventually pay a heavy price. Everyone’s generosity has its limits, and if you exceed them, life makes you pay even more.

Even if you don’t exceed a certain financial or economic limit, ignoring a situation that cannot be sustained indefinitely will ultimately cost much more. Even if you wish for things to remain unchanged and do everything possible to maintain that illusion, disregarding the reality of the situation will lead to consequences. Life has a way of ensuring that we eventually pay the price of our choices.

The lesson is to dose the right level and limit for both sides, and for both to be mindful of it respectfully and lovingly. Beyond relationships,

I have seen economic imbalance in families where the rich half has nothing to do with the poor half, even though it is just money; my family is a classic example of this. My uncle is a millionaire, was extremely successful as a top executive in the past, is now retired, and has never been close to our side of the family, only when he needed something, some support that money could not buy.

Buying a flight ticket for Julie is very good for her, as it offers the possibility of a future experience she may never have imagined. Coming to a city like Rio is something very special, not just for her but for me too. Being generous makes us feel good. Christmas is a time of giving, not necessarily receiving, and usually a normal, balanced person gives us a buzz and makes us feel good.

It has also been a revelation and an eye-opener for me to be generous with my limited financial resources and to be able to give her, somebody who is very special in my life at the moment, such support at present. What I’m trying to say is that maybe I’m not explaining myself very well, but just as it has been good for her, it has also been very good for me.

The act of giving, especially when expecting nothing in return, simply for the sake of giving, is so good. I know that I gave, and I will receive her company here in Brazil for almost a month, but I do not have any other great expectations.

It could be very good, just good, or even bad or terrible; nothing is guaranteed. I came up with this crazy idea and presented it to her. She accepted, and now she’s coming. While she’s here, I hope she has the time of her life, and so do I.

It is not logical for a person to travel, especially abroad, and end up stressed as a result. I am pleased with myself, thankful that she is coming, and very grateful.