Journalled on Saturday, 11 November 2023 | Flamengo, Rio de Janeiro: 28 degrees, hot and very sunny.
Is it worth it? Is it worth having children? What terrible questions! Of course, it is worth it! That should be the answer. But sometimes I have doubts.
Am I paying for what I have planted, or is it worth it? My relationship with my elder daughter is polite and cordial but lacks intimacy or affection, making it feel very cold. I believe that the circumstances surrounding our separation, and the attempts by a member of her mother’s family, particularly one sister, to prevent me from seeing my daughter, have adversely affected our overall relationship.
I am also sure that part of the issue stems from my past traumas with my mother, which may have hindered my ability to manage the situation effectively. As I have mentioned, our relationship has devolved into something politically correct: we see each other on bank holidays, birthdays, etc.
We exchange messages only once or twice a month; everything is always fine, with no details or desire to share more.
I have learned to accept this; whether it will improve in the future, only time will tell. I wish her the very best in her life and hope she always gets what she wants and strives for.
Over the past five months, I have discovered a troubling side to my second daughter that is deeply hurtful and disappointing to me. I feel as though she is malicious, deceitful, and spiteful, driven solely by self-interest. She always has an answer, or, more disappointingly, an excuse for everything. When angry, she says terrible things that, as a daughter speaking to her parents, she should never say.
I have always tried to be correct, fair, and sometimes strict about her education, as I think some issues can be negotiated while others cannot. For example, arriving home from a party can be negotiated, but drugs of any kind cannot be compromised.
I believe these things are important, and I thought at least the right values were being instilled in my daughter. However, when I see the opposite happening, I question where I went wrong. What have I done, or what have I been doing wrong all this time? And do I deserve this? I believe I do not.
Consider the sacrifices my mother, her mother, and other parents make when raising children. Because they are our blood, we should love them accordingly. We must bend over backwards to do everything for them so that nothing goes amiss.
Due to this imbalance, and to a kind of excuse and emotional blackmail, they believe they have the right to treat us as if we are nothing. It is as if they know they have a hold on us, both emotionally and fundamentally, and this hold permits them to act as they wish towards us, their parents.
In some ways, in how they lead their lives, we, their parents, will always be there; they can do as they please, no matter what!
This new generation has also seemed to be getting worse rather than better over the last twenty years, which is the opposite of the natural evolution of life itself. As a parent, I expect my children to be better than I am. I don’t have a problem with that; it is the natural evolution of the species. But now, with the issues of transgender, woke, radical feminism, etc., nothing is clear anymore, especially what is right or wrong.
I also feel that this is the realm of the new generation, who believe life owes them something; they think they shouldn’t have to work or study as much. Even the idea of sacrificing their time and energy is utterly unacceptable. All wisdom, rewards, etc., should come easily and swiftly, with minimal investment on their part.
While this might sound radical, I’ve witnessed numerous instances where well-prepared young individuals face issues if they are not promoted or placed in higher positions within their companies within a short timeframe or within the timeframe they expect.
It raises concerns about themselves or the company. This may lead to depression or compel them to leave for another company to climb the corporate ladder as quickly as possible, because they believe they deserve it. People of my generation, or even those of slightly younger generations, understand that only through hard work, persistence, professionalism, a little luck and patience can one grow and progress within a company over time.
It doesn’t happen overnight. Nowadays, it’s considered drastically wrong if young people aren’t at the top quickly. It may seem outrageous to express these thoughts, but this is the reality we are currently facing.
All I know is that tonight my daughter subtly demonstrated her capacity for malice, especially towards her father, and I am at a loss as to what to do. I feel deeply disappointed and uncertain about how to handle this situation. I can only hope that her behaviour is typical of adolescence and can be excused.
I have walked a great deal with Perola today, which is always pleasant and helps a lot.
In bed by midnight.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
