Journalled on Thursday, 21 September 2023 | Flamengo, Rio de Janeiro: 29 degrees, warm, sunny and slightly overcast.
Today was good and bad! First, I was alone, and being alone allowed me to do many things.
When you are dead, it is difficult. I do not understand how so many people wake up in a bad mood every day. One more day you are alive is one more day to choose whether to change the life you do not like, or to appreciate and make the most of what you already have and have achieved.
It was also a good day because I got to work, earn money, publish posts, and meet some people who like my company and me. And the day I ate something good, like every day.
It was bad because I had a row with my younger daughter, Yasmin, in the evening.
Unfortunately, since I moved in with her and her mother, our relationship has deteriorated. There is no single reason, but several factors have led us to this war.
During the school holidays, I asked Yasmin to do two things for me, but more importantly for her. Firstly, I asked her to walk for one hour each day to get some sun, be outside in the fresh air, and get some Vitamin D for her health and well-being. When we walk, we get exercise and can organise our thoughts.
Whenever I have a problem, going for a walk helps me clear my mind, and more often than not, I find a solution by the time I return. So, walking is not just about exercise; it is also essential for mental health. This worries me about my daughter.
Secondly, I want to encourage her to minimise mobile phone use throughout the day, from morning to night. She spends most of her time on her phone, and I would like to help her find alternative activities, such as reading, writing, drawing, or painting.
It is essential to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy distractions. Excessive social media and constant mobile use are unhealthy distractions. I am also reducing my mobile and social media use, reserving them primarily for work and business.
She did the first request once or twice and then stopped. She never did the second. She completely ignored my request and kept using her mobile the entire time. I did not demand, but I asked her and tried to incentivise her. I even created scenarios to help her understand what I was trying to say, to tell her, or to help her as a father.
But it was no use. This is where her behaviour changed. She became more aggressive, impatient, and sarcastic.
Many times, I pretended not to hear her ironic, snarky, and snide comments. But it is not my nature to bow my head in such situations; sometimes it is too much. It is too mean and unnecessary.
I also noticed that she did very little around the flat. Shoes, clothes, etc., would be left where they were thrown, in the same place for days. She rarely washed the dishes. Many times, she would only wash hers, leaving the rest dirty, and if, on the rare occasion, she did, it needed to be done properly.
Some dishes would have to be rewashed, which, for me, is even worse. How can you not wash dishes properly? There were also other issues, including a general lack of respect for me and attempts to make me feel unwelcome while I am here. All this was a time bomb waiting to explode, and it exploded tonight.
To my surprise, she had done the dishes but had left some dirty saucepans on the stove to wash.
Why would you wash the dishes and not the saucepans? Washing the saucepans is fine; it is not pleasant to leave them dirty. Yes, they are more disagreeable to clean, but you have to do them. What is convenient or inconvenient for you is not the point. As adults, we understand that there are many things we may not want to do, but we must do them.
This was a failure of responsibility and the last straw for me. I went to the living room and asked her why she had not done it. The saucepans were left on the stove. She said she had not seen them. Had she not seen them? Is she insulting my intelligence? Am I so stupid? Yasmin is 16 years old. This is an excuse for a 5-year-old. What have I done wrong for my daughter to be like this? Why is she so entitled? Is it because she is an adolescent, and most adolescents act like this?
Was I like this when I was a child? I remember. I knew it would be worse if I did not do properly what my mother had asked me to do. But that was before I turned sixteen. I knew my responsibilities when I was ten, not six years later.
Yasmin has a strong personality, like her mother and me, so there is always an answer, or, worse, an excuse.
This was the start of a broader discussion about responsibility, doing things right, doing our best, and avoiding laziness. We should not pretend to be blind and ignore our responsibilities. We need to fulfil them as best we can, according to our means.
Every time I try to teach Yasmin, her mother is always there. Her mother always defends her daughter and is more focused on complaining and criticising than on teaching her daughter what should be done, how it should be done, and when it should be done. Doing these things makes life more pleasant and easier, and you will feel better for yourself and others.
I am not against my daughter; I want her to be happy. Happiness comes from doing things the right way. The Portuguese expression, “Ou você aprende no amor ou na dor,” means either you learn through love or through pain, and I think it is very accurate.
If we want to grow, learn, improve, and be better, it is much easier and more effective to do so willingly than to learn through obligation and suffering. Life is brutal and sometimes very cruel. We all learn either the easy way or the hard way.
Since she was very young, I have noticed that she is averse to change. I think this is also a sign of laziness. As her father, I worry about her future, as I will not be here for much longer.
I love her, and I want the best for her. I am sorry I have been unable to provide more for her in some respects. I have given all I have, and maybe in some respects, which is more than enough.
In bed by midnight.
Thank you.
Thanks for reading this blog post. Please explore my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments section.
Richard
