Journalled on Tuesday, 25th of April 2023 | Copacabana, Rio de Janeiro: 26 degrees, warm, sunny, and slightly overcast.
I got laid again!!! Up at 4 am, a series of exercises at home and out in the street by 5.
A heavy workout at the end of Leme until about half past six. Home again for seven, a shower and a change of clothes, and a green tea to be ready for the first class at 8.
Classes all day, including Dona Vera’s in-person class at half past three in the afternoon. My last class was at 7 pm, and I was a little tired, but a female friend of mine wanted to stop by and see me with a bottle of wine afterwards.
She arrived at half past eight without the wine; luckily, I already had two bottles left over from my birthday.
One had already been opened and was half full, while the other was still uncorked. We ordered a pizza, talked a little, and then the fun began. I am older than last week, but I can still make a woman happy.
Even though she is a very dear and charming person, before she arrived, I had secretly wanted her not to come, so I could have an excuse to come another day. She had not, so I had to receive her. It was enjoyable; she was genuinely friendly, especially in her company, and she ended up staying the night.
Sometimes, a wave of denial comes over me, a feeling of not wanting to expose myself to someone else, preferring to stay alone, even knowing what could happen could be exceptionally good.
It is as if when I am with somebody, or when I have to be with somebody, it is an effort, a work, like a kind of obligation, and as it is, it would not be pleasant. Or am I just too lazy to do something with another person, to invest in something good for me with somebody else?
Or am I getting so used to the quality of my own company that I do not need someone else to be happy?
Another thing that I have noticed about myself is that one night is enough; one evening is more than OK; two or three days consecutively together with the same person is a lot, and I am not talking about sex; it is about consumed energy, used to be with someone.
Sometimes, when I am with another person, it feels as if I’m watching the scene from outside my body, as a third person. I observe everything happening around me from two or three metres away, watching every little detail unfold.
Over the last five or six years, I have started to feel detached from myself when I am with someone. What can I say? Am I a bad person for feeling this way? I hope not!!!
We slept late but well from a night of good company, food, wine, and sex.
Thank you very much.
Thanks for reading my blog. Check out my other posts and share your thoughts in the comments.
Richard
